Free to Make

The reformers had a concept about the “creative word”. The idea was that by claiming something had been forgiven, by claiming someone is loved: love is therefore literally in that moment created. It wasn’t there before, maybe, but the word — the promise — actually manifested that love into existence.

This is a fun concept when thinking about spiritually vague things, but maybe more difficult when I imagine how it applies to creative work. I am obsessed with building worlds, and I want to bring them into reality meaningfully. But what makes it feel real for me?

My idea is to just start writing about these worlds, share the insights and the adventures with my friends. I finally have a large enough group of friends that sort of accept my off-the-wall ideas — some accepting to the point of appreciation, which is a strange feeling.

In the past when my ideas, especially the written ones, were engaged it’s only been a few situations. I can’t say that ideas at an academic level were really accepted, because professors for the most part aren’t trying to engage your ideas. They have better things to do than interact with the emotional development of every student. Which reminds me, that is what I am trying to share — emotional impressions. I’m a sensitive person, I tend to take things pretty harshly but somehow I also have an asshole streak. I think it is tied up in a really strict internal sense of morality, and so when I or someone deviates from what I (or someone) thinks is right or wrong, I become hyper aware of the dissonance that is created by the violation of that harmony.

No clue where I’m going with that. I want to write so that people can think about how they think. Maybe write in such a way that my words are fun to read but also help carve new grooves, change the way you see things, take the fear out of certain things.

I’m writing an article for the herald called “You Are What They’re Scared Of” and it’s about how we all need to become the thing that others fear us to be. Our power is found in embracing the part of ourselves that we are afraid others might reject. Obviously, this is different for everyone and I’m not intending to make a blanket statement about letting your compulsions take over, but I am saying something that I think is provocative. People don’t want you to lean into yourself. Those around you expect you to dial it back, unless you are all out drinking and it’s part of some performance. I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about becoming the person that is in you but that ducks down for the sake of decorum. Fuck that: do you. “Punch when you want to punch; kick when you want to kick. Do only what you want to do.” as Bruce Lee might say.

I have a lot that I want to accomplish this week, so I needed to remind myself that I am free to make whatever I want to make. If it falls apart or is a major failure, then so be it. At least I’m getting more of me into the world. I’ll keep doing that until they lock me up.